This morning I was slapped across the face with a reality I was not ready for. My 5 year old son put a shirt on and said "I can't wear this, I'm too fat. Look at me! I just have a big tummy and I look terrible". I tried explaining to him that there is nothing wrong with his size and that he is perfectly healthy just the way he is. He replied with "no I'm not, I eat too much. All I do is eat all the time!" He ripped off the shirt and started frantically looking through his drawers for a "better shirt".
I was shocked and worried about what this meant. In the past, my son has said things like "I wish I was skinny like my cousins" and would, at times, walk around with his stomach sucked in. My husband and I would address this and talk to him about his size and how it is fine for him not to look like everyone else. [For those of you that do not know my son, he is by no means overweight, but he is a thick child and definitely not a string bean].
It seemed as though no matter what my husband and I would do to address this behavior, my son continued to struggle with his self-image. So today, I found myself searching the internet for some ideas for improving my son's self-esteem/body image. I am disappointed that I have not found more resources to help me address this with my child. What I have read about is how common this is, even in our littles people.
Here are some tips for what you can do:
Don't 'dismiss' or ignore what your child is saying to you (even if what they are saying seems ridiculous). If your beautiful daughter starts complaining that her legs are fat or she is "too big to wear that top" then it is time to have a conversation. An easy conversation starter could be "why do you feel that way?". By using a question, you will open up the conversation so that your child can tell you more about why they are feeling the way that they are. Avoid saying things like "you are crazy to think that" or "no, you're not, stop thinking that". It is so easy for us to respond in ways that we THINK will help our children to stop feeling the way they do, but what we really need to do is allow them to share what they are feeling and thinking with us.
Explain that different people have different shapes and sizes and there is beauty in all of us. Focus on what your child does love about themselves. Have them practice "I am" statements "I am beautiful", "I am strong", "I am healthy".
IF your child is insecure about clothes not fitting them right, be sure to buy them clothing that feels comfortable for them. Even if you think the leggings are cute, if your child doesn't like the way that they look, it is okay to buy them something that feels more comfortable for them.
Talk about health and wellness! "Your body is not the same as everyone else's and that is okay. What is important is that you are taking care of your body. That is why we eat fruit and vegetables, drink our milk, and exercise every day".
IF your child does seem to struggle with making healthy choices, make it easier for them by purchasing healthy options. Even though I LOVE potato chips, we do not buy them because I know we would eat them real quick and not feel great about ourselves afterward. Help your child learn about healthy food options and the importance of exercise. Please do not put your child on a diet unnecessarily and if you feel it IS necessary, contact a nutritionist or your pediatrician for advice.
If you want more specific tips/advice, feel free to send me a personal message and we can enter this journey together!
Mallory Felt